Contentment is the Winning Word

So it has been a while since I've sat down and wrote but today I had the sudden urge to do so. Not about anything specific I guess but just to enjoy the feeling of putting words down on paper. Or a screen to be more accurate. It has been an interesting few months since last posted on here and what I've learned as of recently is when life hits you it hits you pretty dang hard, and it usually aims for very sensitive areas. For me life came in the from of college loans. My previous idea that I had a six month window in which after I would start paying was shattered when I received my "This is how much you owe and you have to pay it....." NEXT MONTH! $13,000 dollars of student loans with no job, no money, and no means of acquiring said amount of money besides maybe robbing a bank but I don't look good in orange. So to say the least these last few days have been filled to the brim with stressful, mind racing thoughts of how I'm going to start paying this money back. but I had a small idea pop into my head, and with every thought that became devoted to that idea it grew until I finally thought to myself "Are you mental? How could writing help you make $$$$$. At this level at least? I mean of course big name authors make all the big bucks but how could a small internet blog make me any money at all? People. Lots and lots of people. Like any other service or idea it requires an audience someone to market towards to place your idea in front of and catch there eye. But for me who could that be? Others struggling with debt like me? The millions upon millions of students who attend overpriced colleges in order to leave there without a job and without a hope of every surfacing from the ocean that is their student loans. Or maybe people who like to write not necessarily books, but just short stories, small fantasies to take there mind from what this world is. Corrupt, One-sided, Greedy, Narcissistic. Of course there are exceptions to these traits but truthfully the majority of those people are on the losing team. But why does one sacrifice what he/she knows is right? Smashing their moral compass to wander there way to the "winning" side.Because that is where "prosperity" is in the eyes of our society. Money, things, lots and lots of things, power and standing and position above our peers. But what about contentment? is that so far gone that no one is happy with the things that they have. Not needing MORE and BIGGER things just cause he or she got one or has one or is getting one. I say when a family learns to live within their means and with contentment that is when our society will be truly happy. That is when our "carbon footprint" will be smaller, that is when our "deficit" will get smaller, That is when our "stress" will be less. Ooh I rhymed. And it is when people who are needed to lead will step forth.

The Lessons We Learn From Love.

There is nothing more tragic then the love that got away. The perfect one who slid through your fingers like water through a siv no matter how tight you hold her you watch her slip away. Drip by drip she falls and all you feel is that small hope of saving just a small piece of her, but gravity in its cruelty pulls her from you. Each drop that falls is another inch of her cold shoulder turning away from you. Your words go unheard, your love goes unfelt. and all your left with is empty hands and an empty heart.

This is too all of you who have lost a love and have burning regret. I know very few will read this but I hope whoever it does reach know that someone has felt the same.

The price of love.

My heart is heavy. My body is weak, each day I walk without you is one one more day my soul crumbles. Piece by piece it cracks as the space between us grows. My life is hollow without your beauty to fill me with joy. My actions are meaningless without you there to share in my joy.  My world is void of color but your presence brings with it a rainbow that fill my eyes with wonder. My life is nothing without you. I am a phantom with not but the memory of our love. Oh how cruel is life that it would lead me to the girl of my dreams only to steal her  away when my need was most great. Love is hope but what hope do you have when the one you love walks out of your life? 

The world goes round.

"You must widen your gaze" a line from the bad guy in Sherlock Holmes I think Blackwell was his name or something like that but that particular line has stuck with me for the last few days. As a person in today's society my little bubble is my gaze, my immediate surroundings, what's going on with ME that is all we see. We have a disease of shortsightedness  in the world today. And I know I'm a culprit of this my life has been a culmination of choices for the here and now my gaze has been short and naive. Life is short I've come to understand and if you keep your gaze short then each day will pass by and nothing will be achieved. You will live your life for with no meaning instead of reaching for something that in the end would benefit you rather then keep you stuck in the same old rut. I think that's what I'm in now sort of a rut. Days pass by and I feel as if nothing has changed, nothing is achieved as if I've wasted that day. In essence I have wasted it but as the days becomes weeks and weeks months then the realization of your wasted existence finally smacks you in the face. I called this post The world goes round because even in all of shortsightedness and our wasted time the world truly continues to turn as if your life means nothing in the overall scheme of things, really gives you perspective on how giant our world actually is. Right now a person is dieing of starvation, right now a child is born, right now rain is falling, the world is so large and filled with SO much that we as human beings cannot truly grasp it. Something I always think about when I'm driving is that there are all these cars next to me and each car is driven by someone. And that person has somewhere to be has something to do and has a life.I have no idea what their life has been like or who they are. Now that's just a little traffic on an Idaho freeway but imagine California, New York, Tokyo every person on those streets every person walking on the sidewalks everyone has a story everyone has a life lived and ready to be lived but no matter what they're going through or what you're going through the world keeps turning people go on their daily routines and nothing has changed in the overall flow of humanity. Really gives you perspective and shows you how truly tiny were in the grand architecture of human life. I feel repetitive talking about the "flow of humanity" but even still I can't truly understand what that even is. Me as an American seeing and having practically everything I could ask for but still taking it for granted. But a child with no family has to live on the streets and beg just to push the hunger pains away. That is our humanity. Our humanity is that we Americans are richer than 90% of the worlds population. and yet we trillions of dollars in debt. Truthfully I can't understand what the "Flow of humanity" is because there are so many people that come from so many different walks of life that I could never even fathom. I guess it goes to say that you truly can't understand someone until you've walked a mile in there shoes. I guess all we can do is do our best. To have sympathy for those in need but not just that to see it, understand it, and fix it. This post has kind of been all over the place but these are just things that have been swirling around in my head lately. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Time Took a Walk.

This is a poem I wrote in response to my reading from the book of Romans yesterday. Hope you enjoy.


Time took a walk, a walk straight into the past, past the memories of fun and joy, past
 the memories that hurt and destroy. Time took a walk.

Time took a walk, it's feet made lines of chalk, the lines are the paths we chose to walk, and right behind us time stalks. Time took a walk.

Time took a walk, with his lips he said stop, because the path I chose to walk was not lined with chalk. That is why time took a walk.

Time took a walk so he could tell me to stop, to stop on that path not lined with chalk, the path was lined by fire that led to my sinful desire. That is why time took a walk.

Time took a walk, when he said to stop time took my hand and led me to a glorious man. Time took me on a walk.

Time took me on a walk, and showed me a man who would destroy the fire of my sinful desire. I knew that man would halt my distress and show me righteousness. I knew now why time took a walk.

Time took a walk, because time was the man, time was the man because time was in his hand. Just as time took my hand so too did the man, he took my hand and showed me the beauty of his fathers land.

Time took a walk, and I walk with him.

People peer in the window of my soul!

Having someone there. Having a community around you. For some writers solitude works. But for me its the onsets of insanity. Being around others is the way of energizing myself and it translates into my writing I can see that the more I try to just be alone and write the less I actually can. I've found for me that friendship and community and just being around people helps my writing tremendously. It helps the words flow, I can open my mind to places that I couldn't do alone. I can watch, I can notice, and it helps my creative gears start turning. conversation, facial expressions, they can go straight into my writing or into the memory bank of future ideas. Also having people there to help encourage you to see your work to bounce ideas off 'Cough" Will. It helps a lot, you can speak aloud your plot, your ideas and it can make them easier to mold and fit in your story. Also you can get opinions and idea's that otherwise you wouldn't have on your own. My journey of writing so far has been a different one then I expected. I expected the challenges of character depth, of plot mix ups or verbal mishaps but I never suspected the personal things it would put on my heart. Writing opens up a part of your soul that sometimes never sees the light of day. Writing can reveal who the writer really is and for me that has been a very fearful task. Who would want everyone who has ever read your work to be able to see your true self. /raises hand. Not me.... but as a aspiring writer I've seen its part of the process. In order to understand how you can write you have to understand whats on you heart and what is inside. People can help you find that. Friends, family, community, they are all relationships that show us who we are. Relationship is a basic human need, and also relationships shape us into who we are. and by understanding our relationships we can truly understand ourselves. Write with an open soul and print the words of your heart because if you do nothing can hold you back.

To outline or not to outline?

So for the last couple days I've seem to hit a wall with my writing. I sit down and I start to write but the words didn't seem to flow like usual and I felt like my story was becoming stagnant. Up to that point I had always written on the fly just whatever ideas came into my head I put down on the page but I've seen now that that way has added to the snails pace that my writing has been going. I've done some research and some writers outline and some don't I thought that I was a no outline kinda person but today on a beautiful Idaho day I decided to take a walk in the park near my house and sit down and try to outline. And it worked!! It felt easier to create events in sequence and then create the dialogue and action based on bigger events to work toward. And so today from outlining I think I've written my best scene yet! So my advice would be try both methods see which one works the best! but I think outlining really helps to create a good structure for your writing and to help speed up the process! So take a second a write out some ideas in sequence, they don't have to be long explanations just write down and visual each scene as it happens then as your writing work on filling the gaps between them you'll see how much easier your writing becomes when you have scenes to build towards!

May your words flow freely and your pencils stay sharp!